How now shall we live?

I want my heart back now...

2010-12-23T12:15:00.000-08:00

So, he has a new girlfriend. This has hit me much harder than I expected. It hurts, it hurts a LOT. I feel like I've been replaced, upgraded for a new model. I guess I have no right to feel this way since I was the one who broke up with him. But I don't think I ever got my heart back. I feel like he had a tight hold on it and now that he's with someone else, he's forgotten that he's holding it, but it's still there. I would like it back NOW! I want to be happy, but I feel stabbed all over again. God WHY!?!?!?!?!?!? Why have I been trying to do everything right and HE has the new girlfriend, and I am still all alone? WHY is my heart hurting so much now???? God I want to be free, I want to be happy but why is it taking me so long, and him not? AGGHHHHH
Why is my chest so sore right now Father...I hurt!

Smile...God is in control

2010-10-03T07:58:00.000-07:00

I am learning...slowly :) I feel that since a couple of my friends, who were my sole source of information about him are gone for a while, things have gotten better. I don't here as much gossip, or news. I can't complain as much because there is no one around to listen. I have made a promise not to vent as much, only one day a week, if I must. So we'll see what happens. I am learning, maybe much slower to control my physical desires as they come up. I think that is the hard part, because they come up at the most inopportune times. When I am lying in bed, or in the shower. Sometimes when I am at practicum a little thing will come up and bring back memories. Hopefully I am learning to cope, I hope that he is as well. I still want more than a lot of things, to be friends. I miss our conversations, and ability to banter back and forth. Maybe that will never come, but I hope it will. I know that I am planning to ask him for coffee in January, hopefully things will be better then. One of my friends said that, that was a good plan, give him a few more months to deal with things.
I am going back to my parents house for thanksgiving next weekend. I haven't been there in over a month and it will be good to see my dad again...I have seen everyone else in my family at different times since I've been home. But I haven't even talked to dad for a while. I am looking forward to it a lot, and I am bringing a couple friends who are too far from home to go for Thanksgiving, home with me. It will be fun, I like them both a lot. I should take off though, and finish getting ready for church. Smile!

Aggravation

2010-09-18T10:47:00.001-07:00

I am starting to get a little frustrated. I know that I am not able to be friends with a certain person right now. But this is getting fricking ridiculous. It's been 6 months, and still people have to send him messages saying that I am going to be somewhere so that he is 'forewarned'. Why do they agree with me when I say that things are not healthy for him, and yet keep doing things to promote his not getting over it. Maybe I am expecting too much, indeed I don't know all he's going through right now, but it is a little frustrating. As well when my friends ask me if I am doing things to intentionally put myself in his head, it pisses me off! Why...why why!!! When I am doing my best to give space and limit contact to help him get over it, do I feel like it's working against me? Fricking pooper! I may be thinking about this too much. But bah! It is so frustrating, and I feel like he will never move on when this is happening, I am trying, Lord I am trying...why is it so hard?

Summer

2010-08-26T21:25:00.000-07:00

Can you believe that summer is almost over? I am back at school already...helping the freshmen learn about campus and different things that are going on. Weird eh? The Philippines was great super exciting and challenging and busy and overwhelming but awesome. I loved it, can't wait to see what happens in my next adventures!

Different note: I didn't realize how much hope I had put in seeing him again and the excitement that I got from getting to develop the friendship again. And that is not going to happen. My heart breaks all over when I think about it, and it's not my fault this time. I want to talk to him and enjoy getting to hear about the summer and be old friends. I thought it would be easy...but apparently it's not. I wish that we could at least trade summer stories...sit and talk about the summer.
Maybe later

Canada Day

2010-07-01T20:09:00.000-07:00

A day to celebrate Canada...and my second last day at work until I return in August. I am getting excited for the trip, a little nervous as well, but I've never been good at not worrying about something, so the nerves are expected. Even anticipated, but still not dealt with. This past month has been good, learning to live by myself again, waiting for the next stage of my life to begin. I won't say I have moved on, but I'm getting there. Strange isn't it? I'm the one who ended it and I'm having troubles moving on with it. It has been a summer of memories though, remembering things that I had forgotten about last summer. Enjoying time with family that was lost from then. I find that I am enjoying being busy, letting work consume my life for the most part, and family for the rest. When I am busy, I don't have to think about all that is happening you know? I can just enjoy the time I am in, and not worry about the past or the future. It's the down times that get me, when I am least busy, that seems to be my worst days. But I am happy, enjoying myself as much as I can. Laughing is good, and I have done a lot of that this past month. I should go and rejoin my family.

Process

2010-06-07T21:34:00.000-07:00

I think sometimes that I have myself fooled. I want so badly to be better again, and yet impatient for the time when I will be. I want closeness and can fool myself with memories and hide from the concept that a teddy bear and a computer are bad bed mates. They don't comfort you when you're alone, and they don't make you feel better when you want to cry. I digress, I am doing better, one day at a time. My heart still hurts, but the pain is lessening. What I desire most right now, is communication of some sort. It could be because I have depended on another for any information out of the college town, but now even that is slow or non-existent. Although, this desire happens most often as it is right now, when I am the only one awake, and long for a companion. If I go to bed when the others do, that desire fades substantially. It will be two weeks tomorrow since communcation of any sort existed. Is that bad that those 'anniversaries' are etched in my brain?

2010-05-23T09:17:00.000-07:00

I miss Thomas. And I needed to get that down in writing, and knowing that almost nobody comes here makes it somewhat better.

Question (not related): Can you be a Christian and still go to a Catholic church? I realize that we need to be discerning when talking to Catholic people. However, if you ask them questions about their faith and they answer the same as someone would from a Protestant church...do we still conclude that they are not Christian because they are at a Catholic church...or do we let our attitudes change?

Food for thought

Wednesday May 19th

2010-05-19T14:49:00.000-07:00

A girl friend of mine birthday party is on Tuesday. I found out yesterday I wasn't invited because she didn't know how to be friends with both of us. I called and yelled at him, well not yelling per se, but very angrily spoke to him. I think it made me more mad that he didn't say a whole lot. I am going to the party, but I have to leave before he gets there, that's alright though, I work at 5:30 the next morning so I have to leave early anyways. It did make me miss him more today though, knowing that I cannot even see him until the fall. I didn't realize how much I wanted it until I couldn't have it. Poop in a bucket! I want to be friends with him, I want to have input into his life and comfort him when he's having a bad day. Maybe that's never going to happen?

Thursday

2010-05-06T21:18:00.000-07:00

It's been almost four days. I miss him more than I have for a long time. We were long distance for the first 7 months of our relationship. But this is different. I can't call, can't write, can't text. Can't even look at pictures of I start crying. I haven't seen him in almost a week. It's like going off a drug you know you need to quit. But God, I wish I didn't have to. Mom says the pain will lessen eventually. I hope it does, I can't take this constantly.

Sad

2010-05-03T22:35:00.001-07:00

Wow, it's been over a year since I've wrote on this thing. I apologize for my lack of writing, I have not had the desire to do so for a long time. I should update here: May 27, 2009 I had my first boyfriend. And I came to know and love him more than any other guy than I've ever known. He is an amazing man, he is also anal, annoying and somewhat abrasive. But I love him. And I ended our relationship March 15, 2010. I know that I shouldn't be the one weeping uncontrollably tonight. But he sent me an e-mail telling me that he was cutting all contact with me until the fall. It's like my heart broke all over again. I know that I should care about him enough to let him go, because I'm the one who broke his heart. I know all these things. And yet, I feel like something isn't right. My heart rebels at the idea of not getting to talk to him for four months. I hope this feeling will go away, I know that I did the right thing by not being with him anymore. But I did break my own heart once, and now it's broken again, after it was starting to piece itself back together. My God, when will this hurt go away? 1 4 3

Unrest

2009-01-30T13:56:00.000-08:00

LOOK! Do you see me?
LISTEN! Do you hear me?
I want to kick and scream, yell and shout, jump and wave, until you do

An ant is what I feel like
A bug, buzzing around your head
A child, begging to be loved.

Invisibility comes to mind
Unwanted, unnoticed

How long until this ends?
How long do I have to wait?
How long until you see my tears?

My heart aches,trying to jump out of my chest
There is no rest

Bye bye

2009-01-17T14:32:00.000-08:00

Campus is quiet today. There are a bunch of people gone. The Explore people left about 7:30 friday morning, the ski trip people left a little after six that night and some people like nick, elisa, joel and a bunch of others went to help at a retreat at camp evergreen this weekend. It's weird how you get used to having a bunch of people around and then suddenly their not there. Oh ya, the aviation students are doing their first aid thing this weekend too, so they're not around all weekend either. I miss my friends that are gone, some of them, especially those in the E2 program are not coming back until the week of grad in April. I am happy that they got to go to Camp big horn and complete the practical end of their program, but at the same time I'm sad because friendships have a hard time growing over long distances. I have to finish a presentation on Menno simons today, well not have to but I would like to. Although at the rate things are going it probabaly won't happen.

The new year

2009-01-10T11:36:00.001-08:00

The year 2009 already? It seems like such an impossibility that we are already nine years into the new millenium. How could the years have slipped by so quickly? This year I am in slight dread and slight anticipation of what will happen. How will God use me and others in this year? What will happen to change the course of some people's lives that only God knows about? Kind of scary and yet the knowledge that everything works out for the good of those who love him. How exciting is that? I was trying to write a paper this morning so this is a slight deviation from that goal, but I will return to it shortly. I was thinking about the sermon that my pastor preached at home on December 22nd, the sunday before Christmas, I think that was the date, but I could be wrong, but I know that it was the sunday before Christmas. Anyways, he was speaking on sacrifice. What is it that we understand as sacrifice? Many people think of sacrifice as something like, giving up chocolate for lent, or for a period when you are 'fasting' from something. Sacrifice has been equated with giving up television for a certain amount of time or music or something that is equally unimportant in the grand scheme of our lives. What would Christ say when he hears us call these things as sacrifices? We think of his own sacrifice of dying so that we may live and then use the same terminology for something that is material, easily taken away, something that in the long run may interupt the comfort of our lives for a short time and yet does not affect us beyond the surface. Why is it that we use the same terms for something so different. My pastor, as he was speaking referred to it as something that costs us something. Not just in the wallet but literally costs us something, for Christ's sacrifice cost him EVERYTHING. It was not just a momentary lapse in comfort it was his LIFE! What am I sacrificing? As I write this I have to admit, I cannot think of anything that would accurately be called sacrifice. In my entire life I don't think that I have ever been willing to give up my material comfort to make a sacrifice for Christ or anyone else, I am a selfish person that lacks the discipline or even the drive to separate myself such from the world that I can bring myself to give up my materialistic nature. I hold in envy those I read about that are willing to give up everything for the sake of sharing the gospel of Christ with those around them. Where is that passion? Why does it not burn within me as it does within those who are willing to give everything up for the sake of the Cross, something that should be the most precious thing in my life and yet, appears to be not. Sure, in my speech it is definately the most important thing, but in my heart? I confess it is not. Why? And something else on this topic of sacrifice that was given during that sermon during Christmas break. When we think of things materialistically as being free, we think of cheap. Something that will break within a matter of days and then will be tossed out with the rest of the trash. And yet, the Cross is NOT cheap, it is free yes, but it was costly. It was a TRUE sacrifice because it cost Christ EVERYTHING. Think on that, as will I.

Exam week

2008-12-07T18:50:00.001-08:00

Well, it's finally here, the moment of truth as to whether we've actually learned anything in the last three months of being back at school. This week I have 5 exams which is not exactly conducive to getting a whole lot of sleep...but it's needed so it must happen. I'm kind of nervous about my exams and getting through them, although, not as nervous as handing in this Ethics paper that is currently sitting on my desk. I wrote on the Ethics of short term missions, which has been an interesting thing for me and it feels slightly hypocritical. I really love short term missions, but I wrote against it for reasons that really do irk me about the whole set-up in general, and there are serious problems with the system of stm's that I feel needs to be dealt with. There needs to be a little bit more structure there for them to be effective.
The semester, wow, how to sum up the last three months. I don't think I can, it's definately been a journey, learning that I'm definately NOT as secure as I thought I was coming back on campus. Learning to deal with people and be back in a school setting. Struggling with how to give things up to God and be content in him, it still hasn't come yet...learning that one. When to speak and when to be silent. When to be silly and when to be serious. When to be strong and when to cry. Learning more about myself and others around me. It's very general, but I need more time to process this time. I am EXTREMELY thankful for the friends that I've made and reconnected with. Will they last after this year? I hope so, I really love people.
Anyways, I should get back to work, Jeff and I are going home on thursday, it will not come soon enough!
Merry Christmas!

Poem

2008-11-19T11:49:00.000-08:00

If I screamed would you hear it?
If I cried would you see it?
If I told you all my fears would you understand them?

No you wouldn't
I would keep it in a box
A box for my eyes only
I would lock it away
and hide the key

The box would be mine,
mine alone.

Afraid to show the world
afraid to let them in.

Then there would be no comfort
from those things that made me cry

Because all the world would see
is the stone on the outside.

One year

2008-11-17T18:45:00.000-08:00

Has it really been a year since I was on a plane on my way home from Missouri? So much has happened in this last year. I don't even feel like the same person who got on that plane, I feel older, wiser maybe. Interesting, and yet I still have so much more to do, so much more to grow. Time flies in this life. "For we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

Oh boy...long overdue!

2008-11-16T14:31:00.000-08:00

Hey guys! I do realize how grossly overdue this update is, my apologies...it seems that I have been less inclined to write down my thoughts as of late. I am once again back in Three Hills at Prairie Bible College. It is weird being back and seeing people from my freshmen class a year ahead of me, in school and in life it seems, however I know that this is not true, because we have all grown, just in different ways. I transfered my program from the Bachelor of Arts in Ministry-Multidisciplinary-youth/Intercultural studies to a simple Associate of Arts in General Studies degrees. So I am going to be finished this year. It's a weird thing to think of, moving on into a different part of life. I love being here at prairie and getting to hang out with friends and not have to worry about life. But at the same time I now realize why people call it a bubble. Even in talking with some of my friends, they really do not see the full sides of me and I do not of them, there's just things that you don't realize or learn about in a college situation. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends dearly, but I am realizing more and more the differences between school and working. Anyways, I digress, school is going well. There's a lot of new people that I had to get to know, but are amazing people. I wish that I could get to know them more than one year of school will allow.
My prayer at the beginning of this year was to try and make an impact in the lives of those around me, especially in the freshmen's lives because I know I really appreciated the upperclassmen around me when I was a freshmen, I appreciated their maturity and wisdom. Although I am not calling myself anywhere near mature, I feel that I could make a difference. It's cool because most of my floor is freshmen, so it's been an interesting semester. But I will continue another day. Have a good day!

How do we do it?

2007-12-12T08:49:00.000-08:00

I want to run to the nations and lift up the king
I want to shout with creation to the Lord of everything
I will stand upon the mountains
Proclaiming the love of the Lord.

I want to love the way you love me
I want to see what you see
To reach out my hands and love completely
Let it begin Lord,
Begin with me

I want to run to the nations and lift up the king
I want to shout with creation to the Lord of everything
I will stand upon the mountains
Proclaiming the love of the Lord.
The love of the Lord!

Thanks to Marshall for sharing this song with us in the summer!

Confessions of Ben Stein

2007-11-26T14:09:00.001-08:00

The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary.

My confession:

I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees.

It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, 'Merry Christmas' to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu . If people want a creche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.

I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.

Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship Nick and Jessica and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica came from and where the America we knew went to.

In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.

Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her 'How could God let something like this happen?' (regarding Katrina) Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said, 'I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?'

In light of recent events...terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found recently) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.

Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said OK.

Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.

Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with 'WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.'

Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.

Are you laughing?

Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it.

Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.

Pass it on if you think it has merit. If not then just discard it... no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in. My Best Regards.

Honestly and respectfully,

Ben Stein

Warrenton update

2007-10-05T04:44:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone!
This is the update from me in Warrenton Missouri! I am doing well down here at the international headquarters of Child Evangelism Fellowship. We are in the middle of our courses in Children’s Ministry Institute. There are about 40 students taking the full 12 week course, and it’s been a lot of fun getting to know them this past month. There have also been influx’s of extra students every once in a while as there have been some specialized courses offered and students come in for a two week period. This week is the first week of one such specialized course so there is about 20 extra students here, which makes the dorms a bit more crowded but it is fun getting to know the new students. The past month has been spent learning about the doctrine and theology of Child conversion, how to teach a Bible lesson for saved children and how to teach adults teach children(which is what we are doing right now) so it has been an interesting and busy month!
You might think that there would only be American’s at this course, however this class is one of the most diversified that there has been in a long time, with three Haitians, (one couple and another man), a lady from St. Vincent, a lady from Jamaica and two men from Korea attending the institute. In addition there are several families that are here while the parents are participating in the institute so it is very fun getting to play with the kids during times when we are not in class!
It has been a month since I came down here to attend this institute, and still another month and a half to go before I can officially graduate and come back to Alberta. I would really appreciate some prayers as the next six weeks come and go,
Pray that everybody in the class would grow closer as a family and closer to God
Pray that there would not be any major sickness in the last six weeks of Institute
Please pray that I would be able to fully recognize God’s reason for calling me here, I want to know his will but at times it seems elusive.
Please pray that I would keep focused on my studies so that I will be able to do everything the best that I can.

I look forward to seeing everyone when I get back in November! God Bless in all that you do!

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter or our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross and sat down at the right hand of God.” Hebrews 12:1-2

Ooopsss!!

2007-10-05T04:38:00.000-07:00

Hey! I just realized how long it had been since I blogged!! Oopppsss! So here's a quicky update from July. We had an awesome last week in Belize City and then boarded a plane July 22 and made our way back to Warrenton. Customs was a nightmare b/c they were backed up in Dallas so there was, no joke, at least 200 people waiting in line in the non-American side and 400 in the american side, it was ridiculous! Thank God that they delayed our flight so that we could catch the connection to St. Louis. Anyways, then July 26th I boarded another flight back to the wonderful land of Alberta. August was spent teaching swimming lessons and enjoying being at home with friends and family and generally trying to figure out my life for the fall. In the middle of August I felt that it would be beneficial to return to Warrenton and take a Children's Ministry Institute from September 3-November 16th. So, September 2, after much prayer and tears and wondering if this was God's will for me, I again left my home country and took off for Warrenton Missouri. Several hours later I landed in the St. Louis airport, exhausted but feeling like it was a good thing to be here. And here I am over a month later, still alive and still not knowing why God called me here! Talk to you later!

Belmopan

2007-07-10T20:38:00.000-07:00

Belmopan, although the capital city of Belize is just over 4000 people. It has a small town feel and is very interesting to walk around in. There is a distinctly rushed view of how the city was built and the quality is lacking. But it is a nice little town and I prefer it instead of Belize city which is always hustling and bustling and not safe even in daylight unless you're in a group. Which is a new experience for small town Alberta girl. I like my teammates a lot and we are really getting along quite well. The occasional spat is necessary to encourage growth and it is...interesting when those spats pop up. I am learning a lot about what it means to be a missionary and getting a lot of Belizean culture as we have travelled a fair bit around the country. I think I still like Orange walk the best which is a small town about an hour from the Mexican border. A very nice little town just a bit smaller than Belmopan. We don't have beds here so we're sleeping on cots, another new experience and I'm also learning just how little variety in food I get at home. Trying new things is really cool and I like the opportunity a lot. I am getting challenged to get rid of my pride. Ha! Like that's not going to take a LONG time! I wish that God would just take it away with a zap! But thankfully he doesn't do stuff like that. I have a feeling this is going to be a LONG painful process. Time to think and be a lone is a valuable commodity. I like my own space and being in a cramped little house is testing my limits, even though it's only been a couple days in the place that we are staying at right now. I don't have a lot of time, my computer bill is running up. Pray for continued peace and unity among the team as patience is stretched in the home stretch of this trip. Twelve days to go and counting.

God Bless!

Kelly

My Beloved

2007-06-20T11:20:00.000-07:00

Is this my beloved?
Is it the one who loves God?
Is it the one for me?
Is it the one who will always be honest with me?
Is it the one so full of love that it is evident in his motions?
Is it the one that will give God his devotion?
When he looks at me, and I at him. What will be seen in our eyes?
Tenderness, honesty, love and commitment?
Or just a pile of lies?

In Warrenton!

2007-06-16T17:37:00.000-07:00

Well hello my friends! Just a little update while I have time! It's a good time here in the little town of Warrenton Missouri. I'm not actually in Warrenton I guess, we're 5-10 miles outside the town but it's a good time. The compound is small but it works for the amount of people they have on it at one time. In the summer they may have 100 on at one time but there are 65 OMS (over seas Missionaries) training here so right now is the busiest time. There are dorm rooms but my team got a small apartment that is separated from the actual dorm rooms that other girls are living in. We are the only apartment that has to go OUTSIDE from the building to actually get into it. It's alright though, there are two rooms, mine, because I got here Thursday night, got the big double bed and the other two girls got the room with two single beds in it! It's a nice little 'home' away from the classroom when we get out of there. This past week was going over a lot of teacher training regarding the materials that we received for the clubs that we're going to be teaching. Next week will be a lot of the overseas material and preparing us for that. We average 6, 45min classes a day and then after supper is 'team time' to build team unity. 'Guided study' for homework and STP which is basically evening chapel. My two teammates are Kristin Hanson and Rebekah (Becky) Dolan. Kristin likes to think she's 19 b/c her b-day is in a week and Becky is 18. Both have just graduated from highschool, Kristin in Nebraska and Becky in Iowa. Last night we went out and did open air ministries, which is basically street evangelism. It was interesting because we ministered in all black neighbourhoods but they were surpisingly open to what we had to say and even if they were going somewhere they would stop to hear a 15-20min story about Jesus and some of them even accepted Christ! It was a blessing for many teams! We leave for Belize on June 22, I don't know what time but I do know that we have a layover in Miami. It'll be interesting b/c I think the flight from Miami to Belize City is 7 1/2 hrs! It'll be a good time! OSM students are going all over the place! There's teams going to Ireland,Iceland, Bulgaria, Greece, Australia, Miami, Botswana, Burkina Faso, Ft.Hood Txs. Salt Lake City, New York and of course Belize! It'll be a good time, we're all starting to get more used to eachother and it's been a good time! I love my teammates and everyone is really friendly. I still laugh when I say I'm from Alberta and ppl are like 'Oh I know someone in Toronto!' Kinda not close at all to me! But it's good everybody has been nice! Anyways, I should take off. We're going on a medicine run for Becky to get her Malaria medication picked up! I hope everyone is going well and I love you and miss you lots! Oh! before you ask, I don't know exactly where I am on my support, my parents are supposed to let me know in a few days! God Bless you all!

Church today

2007-06-03T20:08:00.000-07:00

So in church today the guest preacher was talking about how much the church as shifted from being a family centered institution to an industrialist center. By that he meant that we are very focused on building new buildings and setting up programs that are supposed to fill up the spiritual pitcher of what people need. These programs such as ladies groups, men's groups.kids clubs, things that are supposed to reach out to the community and fulfill there spiritual needs aren't working anymore! They are things that are put in the community to get these places back in touch with the creator but are not touching the fact that there is no creator in the home of most of the people in the community. He said that the main problem with most of what the church is doing today is that they are trying to put out these programs and not place faith back in the home and back as part of the family life but still kind of try and make it fit into a very industrialized, investment/money based world. He quoted some statistics which said that for young people who keep their faith after highschool the main reason that that happens is because their main spiritual influence was their mother. The next main influence was their father and then their pastor. What does that say about churches that do not try to bring a good solid faith into the families in the church but try to push their programs out into the community without that family value system? I don't know, if this makes any sense. But I was thinking about it this afternoon and was wondering what your opinion was on this.

Easter is coming soon!!

2007-04-04T18:24:00.000-07:00

Well hello guys!! It’s been quite a long time since I blogged last so an update is long overdue. I have only a few weeks left here at Prairie and then my time as a freshmen will be over! I am sad, because this chapter of my life is drawing to a close, but happy that there will be a blessed four months of not sitting in a classroom, and not writing papers. This semester was definitely harder than the last, I had a 200 level history course which was almost the death of me! Thank God for the friends that I made in that class and the teacher is an awesome man.
The end of the semester marks the beginning of another part of my life before becoming a sophomore here at Prairie (yes I am coming back!) The Ambassador choir and Jubilation Wind Ensemble, go on tour to Vancouver Island for three weeks immediately after grad this year. We will be spending the majority of that time on a VERY cramped tour bus, so please pray for us! Tour is one of the major times of really getting to know each other more, although we have been together all year it’s hard to get to know the members when they range from freshmen to senior.
Getting back from tour on May 19 will be the start of a very busy couple of weeks for me. I’m hopefully going to be working at the Castor pool again (!!) for at least part of the summer. Carm’s wedding is on June 2 and the Holloway clan is indeed preparing the meal for the reception. Also, since have of Carmen’s wedding party will be on tour, preparing bridal showers and the oh so important Bachelorette party is going to be fun!
After Carm’s wedding I am planning to fly to St. Louis Missouri and from there travel to Warrenton. Why you ask? Hehehehe….well I am going to Belize this summer!!! YIPPPEEE!!! I am going with Child Evangelism Fellowship for four weeks, with an additional two weeks training before then in Warrenton. CEF’s main programs are DVBS (daily vacation bible school) GNC (Good News Club), Open Air Campaigners (street evangelism) and a variety of other programs, designed to reach children mostly with the gospel. 85% of people who come to faith in Jesus Christ have said that they did so before they turned 15 years old! What an awesome opportunity for the gospel! Sorry, I am doing a little advertising for them!! Lol. Anyways yea, I really had the impression on my heart last semester to go on a missions trip and God really opened up the door for me to go on this trip. I am VERY scared right now, to say that I am actually going to another country and being away from my family and everything that I know. I’ve never even been out of Canada for goodness sake! So to say that I am a little freaked, would be an understatement! I am also a worry wart….so if you guys could pray for me that would be the awesomestest thing in the world!! But yea, that’s my story for right now. I do have a paper to write and work to do, but HURAHHH for Easter break! All the college/university students say ‘Amen’ with me!! Anyways, I am going to enjoy a full 4 days at home! Anyways, I hope everyone is doing well this year! God Bless

Brain movements

2007-02-20T10:17:00.000-08:00

This was an e-mail that I wrote that spoke about what's going on in my head. Rather than write it out again, I thought I'd just post it, God Bless you all!!

Hey Lizzy!! It's interesting how you asked if I really enjoy missions b/c it's mission fest at the school here this week and we just had a missionary speaking in chapel today. One of his big questions was 'do you care' about the ppl of the world. That's what I'm really struggling with big time right now. Because, I don't know if it's just being in the setting of a Bible college or what, but I am struggling with apathy a lot. My heart is cold from the hurt of the world and I don't know how to change it. I feel far from God right now, and it's weird how much that question in chapel has brought it to the fore front. As well, do I enjoy missions? I don't know really...I know I love working with kids and I want to be a part of that. I also don't want a safe little job in Canada because it seems pointless..why stay in such a materialistic society and become more apathetic to the world around you and then have the Lord sad b/c you've done nothing for his kingdom? Is it bad that I feel staying in North America is something to be looked down upon? There is a lot going on in Canada that needs to be changed, but how does one get into the mission field in Canada without being caught up in the materialistic, individualistic, god-less society of this country? I feel like saying 'oh your work is your mission field' is a cop-out for what God really wants to go on in society you know? Sorry, I'm just putting my thoughts onto paper right now. Probably a bad time to write an e-mail...anyways. But to answer whether or not it's a lifetime commitment that I'm going to make...I don't know. I'm scared of dying on the mission field and being away from my family is a big commitment. I don't want to miss out on my brother's life, on Carm and Barry's and there's things that need to be worked on with Sam, so I don't want to miss that, but I don't want it to be holding me back either.

Thinkingness

2007-01-25T20:28:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I blogged. School is going well....I'm taking History of growth in Christianity, Spiritual Formation and the Church, Intro to the New Testament, Psychology and Intro to Theology. All my classe are going well, although theology is definately not my favourite course. The teacher is kind of a weirdo and for some weird reason likes to be up at 8:00 in the morning...which is when that class is! Ha! go figure! That is when Swim team actually gets out too and so it is a little bit of a rush to get from the pool to class in relatively decent time. One of my friends brings me some snacky food from the dining hall breakfast menu so that is awesome. I actually get to eat before noon!! Yay! The toss up for my fav classes is definately between History and Spiritual formation. Just because I actually get my history fix with that class, but spiritual formation is designed to really help you grow and mature as a Christian and the discussions are very interesting to have. We talked about prayer and solitude in today's class and it is really cool. We also talked about the difference between relationship and religion dealing with Jesus and what the difference between having a relationship with him is and just participating in an organized 'religion'. Oh my gosh, it is a lot of fun. My history class is actually a 200 level course so it's a little intimidating to have juniors and seniors in this class that I am in. There are sophomores too...but they are older. There is also a lot of married students in the class so mostly I stay quiet, and try to understand what the teacher is saying. It's cool though b/c a couple of the ppl in my class are good friends of Carm's so I'm not so frustrated about being the youngest.
We had our first extension of the new year in Bow Island last weekend. It was a VERY long drive and really exhausting and frustrating but a good time.....I liked being able to connect more with the ppl on the choir and it's so much fun travelling with Jubilation(the instrumental group) that goes a long with us. We have some pretty sweet tunes with them and they are all AMAZING instrumentalists. But we lost some ppl from them, like the electric guitarist, and a couple trumpet players. We managed...but it was weird not having them here.
I'm doing ok spiritually. God has been teaching me a lot over Christmas holidays and over the last few weeks here. I am trying to branch out and get to know some more ppl on campus and choir is helping a lot with that. I'm excited for my next extension but also frustrated because I won't get to go home until at least the middle of February...which is annoying. But that's the way it goes I guess. I have a meeting with the CEF person here in Three Hills tomorrow and we're going to meet for coffee or talking or something. I'm not exactly sure what's going to go on with that. But anyways, I'm going to go get some more studying done. Hasta luego mi amigos. El Dios Bendice!

God Bless 2007

2007-01-06T18:24:00.000-08:00

Good morning/afternoon/evening and I hope that everyone has now embraced the year of 2007 and is not messing up too much when writing down the dates of the year. I thought that it would probably be a good thing to kind of go over how Christmas/New Years/Birthday went for me this year.
I finished my last exam on December 14th...hallelujiah! Praise the Lord! And promptly came home and spent a delightful first night away from school with my head in the toiler. And no, I was not drunk. The flu is a nasty little bug that should die a painful death! Got all the needed Christmas shopping done in Red Deer on the 18th, which was a monday with my sis Carmen. It was fun since we hadn't been able to really hang out for a while so the drive was fun. Tuesday she left with Barry to go to Melfort Saskatchewan to spend Christmas with his family and left little Jeff and I home with mom and dad. Sam finally made it home on the 24th and was around until the 26 when she had to go back to work. The Holloway family Christmas which is usually on boxing day didn't happen this year. Mom was stressed out enough as it was and didn't want the hassel of preparing the house for the presence of some 30+ people. So most of the holidays were spent relaxing and enjoying the company of just family. Carmen and Barry made it home on the 27th and opened their presents and stockings when they got back. On the 29th we went over to Vern and Peggy's and enjoyed a night of pool and games. It was nice to visit with everybody.The 30th brought the Pratt family Christmas around which was VERY layed back with about 15 of us. The reason there are so many Holloway's that usually come is b/c dad has 7 siblings and about 14 cousins, plus their spouses and kids, so ALOT of people. Mom just has a brother and a sister and none of their kids are married so it's a lot more relaxed.
New Years eve(which was also my 19th b-day!! Woot woot!!)with the Richardson's coming over for dinner and spending the afternoon with us just visiting and playing games. They are always a nice family to have over, but they left at 5 along with Carm and Barry who went over to a friend's house to ring in the new year. Oh! I should mention that Sam made it back on the 29th and left after dinner on the 31st to go to work.
And that brings us up to date for the time being. Back to school on Tuesday the 9th and there's a group of us that are hoping to go to Red Deer I think that night to be able to spend some time with the Explore/Discover people who are leaving on the 12th for Montana and Guatemala respectively. I will add some more about what's going on at school when it actually starts again. Anyways, have an awesome time in the beginnings of this new year, and God Bless!!
Love you all!! :)

Last 2006 post

2006-12-31T16:54:00.000-08:00

I found myself in church today
Bowing my head, but not knowing what to pray.
Thinking of how everybody around me
had wronged me or stabbed me or just plain ignored me.
Then instead of looking up to the sky
I looed inside and found the reason why.
It was the devil, smirking and laughing.
Pointing out my faults and playing my insecurities.
On a television screen he played my pain.
On the radio I heard myself scream.
As soon as I left, the temple of God the pain went away
and my heart began to thaw.
Why is it that I couldn't hear
the message of the preacher? Though he was so near.
The taunting and prodding was the devil laying a trap
When I tried to talk to God, he said "no! Not that!"
Then he played it again and again until I was so filled with shame.
I dare not try again.
Oh LORD! I now cry as I lay on my bed.
Sometimes it's so hard that I wish I were dead.
But my God is a forgiver and he watches me cry
but I know that it was his Son that was sent to die.
So God, please forgive my failures and missteps and falls.
Help me to say that above all others I will love and serve YOU most of all.

Well hello there people. Tonight is the last night of 2006 and what a wonderful night it is! Today is my birthday!! It's been a good day and having lots of fun. But what's with the poem? This morning in church was not a good thing. I was really pouty and since I am kind of in the middle of the age groups of the young ppl at church feeling really down. The youth group kids are all a couple years younger than me and the other young ppl are a couple years older. So I'm kinda feeling inbetween and not really wanting to go to Church a lot of the time b/c I get depressed and don't really listen to the message...which is my own fault. So ya, and my feelings of depression kinda left as we were on our way home from Church this morning and it got me thinking.
Also reading through the references in the bible on Trust have also got me thinking about what I put my trust in. There are a couple passages in Job that talk about how God does not put his trust in human folly, just as people do not put their trust soley on animals. They are there to watch over the animals even if they did do most of the manual labour for the farms. Why do I put so much of my trust on things that are not worthy of it? How much time and energy do I spend running away from what God has given me because I do not trust him enough to take care of me or keep me safe? Or direct my paths? GRRRRrrrrrr!!! My own human mind is so frustrating sometimes and causes so much trouble. But it's not just the mind...it's the whole being. And sometimes it gets to a point where I just want to have Jesus come and be rid of it. But then, at those times the thought pops into my head...what about all I still have to do? I think that may be God giving me this desire not to see his kingdom yet. B/c there is still much to be done on earth and the world as it is, is not ready to see their maker come down to the world that he created.
On that note...what's your New Years Resolution?
God Bless you all
Loves!

Immature

2006-11-23T22:48:00.000-08:00

It's been bugging me lately, how I appear to other people. I want to appear mature and with it but at the same time I want to have fun. Where is the balance between having fun and just being stupid? Also. about the same time I want to be able to grow in Christ and love and trust my creator. How is this done, if there isn't growth towards maturity? I don't know if it's just me, or if I am reading into things. But...see there's this project that I've been doing with a couple other ppl, two guys and one other girl. Tonight I was kinda screwing around after we were done working, and my friend, the other girl was sitting quietly in the corner talking to another one of our friends. I think back over that a couple hours later, and wonder, how do I appear to other people. I know we're not supposed to care what other people think, but it is really important to me. I don't really know why, but the way that I come across is something that really concerns me. It's probably because there is an image that you create of yourself everywhere you go right? And I know other people who I consider extremely immature, and don't want to be perceived as that, but am really scared that I am just the older version of them. How is this over come? And on that note, how do people become less selfish? Me, me me me me....that word is probably used more often in speech than any other word, but how is it overcome? I mean...what's the point of going off to college and doing things but not growing up. Blah, ramblings. It's soo frustrating!! God, I don't know where you are leading my life. But please, I want to have fun and follow after you. Help me to find that balance and become the woman that you want me to be! Amen
God Bless everyone,
goodnight

Your password is weak!!

2006-10-09T19:03:00.000-07:00

It came to my attention this week while trying to start a new e-mail account that my chosen password was 'weak.' Who decides what is a weak password or not? Why do I have to know.....when my identity gets stolen by some creep that doesn't care about me...then I'll know that my password was 'weak' but why do they have to tell me and make me feel soooo dumb?? Ok, that was a really crazy weird topic to start off with, but whatever. It's been almost a month...well actually a month since Golgotha and my last post....weird eh? I'm really lazy. But anyways, on to business....school is going good. My classes are actually not that hard and choir has started. My roommate is awesome!! (Just for you Lisa!!) We get a long really well...which is cool b/c neither of us really knew if it was going to work out at first. But we've really clicked these last few weeks. A couple weeks ago was Christian Life week at school so we had this awesome speaker come in to talk about it. His name was Greg Paul and he wrote a book called..Finding God in the Alley....I think that's the title anyways...I haven't actually read the book. But he gave this one message that really stuck out to me. In it he told this story about looking after a friend of his who had AIDS...and was dying of it. Near the end of his life, and Greg came and looked after him and washed him up and took care of him. That's a very short paraphrased version and has nowhere near the emotional impact that it had when he actually told it. But anyways, he came to the physical realization of the passage that says, 'for I was hungry and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in; I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me.’
It really hit me hard, that God doesn't need us to serve his purpose, but I'm like 'God I want to!' So this was like two weeks ago, this weekend was the "Well" it was a women's conference, the first one in the history of Prairie so this was a big thing right. So There was this seminar on Purity of the Mind. It was like a blow to the heart. Everything that the speaker was talking about applied to me directly. And I was really challenged about why I think the way I do. For instance, yesterday was a really really bad day for me. I was literally bawling all afternoon, because I was feeling shunned by certain people. And I was crying my pain out to God in the prayer chapel, and then that small voice was like 'Kelly, why does this bother you soooo much?' I kinda tossed it aside and went on with my day. Then today, the speaker, who is a single women in the mission field was talking about how she dedicated her singleness to God. And was talking about how she used to judge people who were in her mind 'being held back by relationships.' Like she isn't against relationships, she just got frustrated by women who were like 'I'd like to go to the mission field but I'm in this relationship' and she was just like "come on, let's GO!!" Anyways, so this got me to thinking about how much I really want a family, and want a husband and want to get married. But then she said something that really struck me she asked us if we desire God more than we desire our deepest desires. And I'm like.......no......I don't desire God more than I desire a family. Why not? What is so important about having a boyfriend or having a husband and kids that is more important than serving God with my whole heart? Why do I want that...and right now I think, God's been teaching me that a boyfriend, or relationship right now would not be good for me. Because I would think that having that meant I was worth something, and I would want to go back to all those people in highschool who told me from time to time with their attitudes, that I wasn't worth anything...I'd want to show my b/f off. I'd be like, "yeah, this person believes I'm worth it" and would want to shove it in their face. But would they actually care? Because I'm still not worth it in their eyes. So yea, that seminar also went over some major lies that the devil feeds women and that was one of them. Well, a couple of them, one was that if we only find the right man, that everything will fall into place. And that's not true...kinda like getting a cell phone..I was sooo excited when I actually got mine, and was soooo pysched out about it, had it for a week and am like...ok, so this isn't such a big dea. Just like trying to find the right man. Another is that we (women) are not worthy. That is something I've been dealing with for years....and I thought that I'd forgiven alot of ppl that had hurt me over the years, but especially today, that came right up to the surface. And it still hurts, like a lot. I'm not bitter....but am not completely healed. So yea, anyways...I'm running on lack of sleep so if this contemplative talking thing isn't making sense to anybody, that's ok. Because I'm just trying to make sense of it to me on paper. ok, I'm going now....God Bless!!

Golgotha

2006-09-11T09:41:00.000-07:00

Good morning! I decided now that the first week of school was over to give a little update. My classes are going well, even the 8:00 am class is facinating and a lot of fun to do. I have four classes on Tuesday/Thursday and only one on Wednesday/Friday which makes it easier for studying, and going home since I'm done by noon on Friday. I have Missions Survey, Intro to the Old Testament (OT), Writing and Research, and History of Western Civ 1 (from the beginning up to the Reformation) on Tues/Thurs and God's mission for the Church on Wed/Fri. The same prof that teaches Missions survey also teaches God's mission 4 the Church, which is cool b/c then I kind of know what to expect from him as a teacher. This past weekend was Golgotha, which is the most intense experience I've ever been to. Golgotha, is an intense training session designed to push your body to the limit and allow you to experience on a lesser scale the suffering that Christ experienced on the cross. Starting at 6:30 on Friday afternoon, everyone on campus that wanted to do some kind of sport this year did a 1.5km run. After that was a session of running/push-ups/crunches/futsol. There were 6 teams and each team did one of the four events until everyone had done everything. Points were given out to each team according to what they did, for example, running laps around them gym passing a medicine ball along the line of team members 10 times, earned one point. Every lap after that gave another point until the 10min time limit was up. Crunches and Push-ups, every person did fifty and that got the team one point every 100 push-up's/crunches that the team did collectively earned another point. My team got up to 300 pushup's!! Go Team 3!! Woot woot!! Then there was another game, that I don't remember what it's called but a variation of volleyball where you had to it the ball under the net and try to win.....really crazy. Then swimming and a bunch of relays at the pool until 10:30. That was fun, part of the swimming was to pull the brick up from the bottom of the pool, a thing we have to do in NLS for lifeguarding so I got to do that! Good times, then back to the RDAC (Rick Down's Athletic Centre) for volleyball until 2:30am. Thank God my team came in second, which meant we didn't have to be back at the RDAC until 6:30am. I was there at 6 b/c my roommate's team had to be there at 5:45, so her 5:30 alarm kept going after she left. 6:30 started with an 'Amazing race' game, first Jordan (our captain) had to carry each team member across this 'acid lake'. But he couldn't carry anybody the same way, like he gave Jorge a piggy-back and so couldn't do that to anyone else. Next event was throwing a medicine ball as far as we could. Then basketball, trying to make 150 baskets in 10 minutes, but each basket had to be made and then a basket at the other end of the court. We got up to 79 I think....nobody made it to 150, not even close! Then came trying to hit targets with volleyball serves, four little mats on the other side of the net, and when somebody hit a target, then they couldn't serve anymore. Oh yea, we did get breakfast too! Good times, food was nice. By 8:00 we were back in the RDAC for Ultimate frisbee and working in the weight room, then came basketball.....lots of basket ball. The RDAC has three full length courts, so there was no break inbetween games. Seriously, that gym is bigger than Castor's whole k-12 school!! Lunch was a definate plus for the whole day, and then came flag football from 1 until 2:00. I caught the ball once which made for a touch down!! Woot woot!! But football is definately not my sport, and Steph was the girl of our team!! Oh my gosh, she was good. Then.....hehehe the 4km run up to one of the 'three hills'. I cannot tell you how much it hurt to do that run. I didn't actually run most of it, just b/c my body was almost to the breaking point. We started that run at 2:30, and I can't tell you how long it took me b/c I don't know. But I have multiple blisters on my feet right now and it hurts to breathe or laugh or anything. Keep in mind that by the time of this run, everybody had been going hard for pretty much 20 hours with maybe 2 hours of sleep!! And finally, up to the top of the hill, nearly dead and nearly at the end of the reserves of strength, then came the last event. We had to run down the hill, we'd just come up and cut into a field at the bottom, carrying a hockey stick. Run through the field until getting to one of the coaches and being told to put the hockeystick over your shoulders (symbolizing Christ and the cross) and make your way up the other, steeper, grassier side of the hill. Yikes....I can tell you that when I first heard what we had to do, I cried. "God, I'm at the end of my rope, I'm tired, I can't do this....but I feel weak for not doing it! I feel weak for having to let my team captain take my place for my weakness!!!" That was seriously the lowest part of the day for me. Everything hurt, everything was sore. After a few minutes of reflection and watching others though, I decided to tell Jordan that I wanted to try, thank God for Jordan.....I really don't think that I could have made it through this weekend if he wasn't my captain. He was sooo encouraging and sooo supportive even though he was hurting just as bad as anyone. Finally, up the last hill, and done. The event was over. As a group, all 60 or so of us sat on the top of the hill talking about what it meant to be so physically exhausted and pushed to the limit. We talked about how it felt to have people in our group (designated people) being the "moles" the people with bad attitudes that brought everyone down. How the refs for games were unfair and biased, mixed up scores, changed results etc. The whole point the coaches were trying to make was that you can't control anybody else when you're an athlete, just yourself and your own attitude. Then came the time for silent reflection on the hill, prayer and a time to think about what you learned that day. How Christ felt sooo much more pain when he was on the cross. We could hardly walk, but he could hardly stand. We got to live, and he had to die. We were broken physically, he was broken physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally. We got to climb into 15 passenger vans and go home....to food and showers and friends and sleep. He went to hell for us. "Now then brothers, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles us; and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us" Hebrews 12:1 I learned a lot this weekend. About how much pride and selfishness I have. About how much I want attention and don't give it as much as I want it. But I also learned how much God works, when the devil was trying to push stuff on me, I would turn to that verse and tell him to go. And he went, thank God. "I can do all things through him who gives me strength" Phillipians 4:13 My God, thank my God, for he is the one who is able to do anything in the world. I can't believe how much he did for me, and how annoyingly inefficient I am when it comes to being a Christian. I can't believe how he can put up with me........but praise God he does. I hope you all learn the same thing. If you ever get the chance to do Golgotha, I would definately recommend it. I would not want to do it again for a long time, but would recommend it to anyone who wants to experience Christ's suffering to a very much lesser extent! Until then "I press on toward the goal, to win the prize for which Christ has called me heavenward" Phillipians 3:14 God Bless!! I love you all, have a great week!!

Prayer

2006-09-03T14:14:00.000-07:00

Dear Lord, I thank You for this day. I thank You for my being able to see and to hear this morning. I'm blessed because You are a forgiving God and an understanding God. You have done so much for me and You keep on blessing me. Forgive me this day for everything I have done, said or thought that was not pleasing to you. I ask now for Your forgiveness. Please keep me safe from all danger and harm. Help me to start this day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude. Let me make the best of each and every day to clear my mind so that I can hear from You. Please broaden my mind that I can accept all things. Let me not whine and whimper over things I have no control over. And it's the best response when I'm pushed beyond my limits. I know that when I can't pray, You listen to my heart. Continue to use me to do Your will. Continue to bless me that I may be a blessing to others. Keep me strong that I may help the weak... Keep me uplifted that I may have words of encouragement for others. I pray for those that are lost and can't find their way. I pray for those that are misjudged and misunderstood. I pray for those who don't know You intimately. I pray for those that don't believe. But I thank you that I believe. I believe that God changes people and God changes things. I pray for all my sisters and brothers. For each and every family member in their households. I pray for peace, love and joy in their homes that they are out of debt and all their needs are met. I pray that every eye that reads this knows there is no problem, circumstance, or situation greater than God. Every battle is in Your hands for You to fight. I pray that these words be received into the hearts of every eye that sees it.

Gosh, summer is almost over!

2006-08-24T21:11:00.000-07:00

Wello.........hehehehe oooppsss, I was going to say well hello, and ended up saying wello. Sorry! Know what I decided? A mind is a terrible thing to waste on housework. When it would be doing so many other important things, like sleeping! That's a good idea, I wish I was sleeping right now, but if I don't do this now it won't get done!! So, I was thinking I'd recap the summer a little bit, and expand on it. Starting with relationships, (how'd you guess?). I met a tonne of fantastic people this summer at camp (Kellen, Trisha,Katelyn Lisa, Mitch, Rory, Amber, Andrea, Jon, Freddy, David just to name a few love you guys sooooo much) and learned a lot of things. First, I learned how much I miss being surrounded by Christians in a Christian enviroment. To have everything revolve around how to better help kids learn about God is an awesome thing and I really envy those people who get to do it all the time. Second, I learned just how much I love kids, my cousins yes I love to bits, but seeing these kids run circles around me was one of the best experiences of my whole life. Third, on a down note, I learned how easily it is to become distracted and cause pain. When I was at camp, I really struggled with how my relationships to other staff members progressed. I had a hard time connecting with God then got so frustrated that I was rude to a lot of people. At least that's how I feel I was. I'm sorry you guys, if anyone picked up on that vibe and got offended. Please realize that I'm trying!! I have a question, where does jealousy come from? Like different from envy, but jealous of other people's relationships with each other? For example, when a bunch of my friends got engaged or started dating, I'm like....I want that. Is that from God, because God get's jealous or is it from the devil? If anyone has ideas, it be nice if they shared it with me!
Anyways, ummm, yea away from camp I learned just how much I can fight with my sister. Carm and I had such a nasty time this year trying to stay "professional" (they really should out-law having siblings being boss/employee together!) And how much I focus on the negative,really should stop that eh? I also learned how much people can surprise you. One girl, who shall remain nameless, that I met, a little younger than me. Has a problem in dealing with guys, she can't let them decide they like her, she has to push them. And when I first met her, it was weird realizing that she did this. But the last time I talked to her, she is so much like me when I was.....well even last year and this year to a point. I still struggle with that, but she has sooo much spunk. Gosh, she's an awesome girl and I pray will turn out to be the most awesomest woman ever! Anyways, ummm, ya. I think that's it that's all I have to say. Except that I'm almost moved into college, just one more week and then I'm back to the grindstone. Whether that's a good thing or not remains to be seen. I have this weird feeling I'm gonna end up being a housewife, just b/c I am really bored of school. Why am I going this year then? My parents want me to get a grounding in my faith before going "out into the cruel world". Probably a good thing, and I'll love it there, I know I will. Anyways, I could bring this back around to a very deep spiritual thing, but I'm not going to, just b/c it's late and I'm sounding really stuck up right now and don't want to talk anymore.
Prayer requests: Some time for wounds to heal. That my roommate won't kill me when she learns how unclean I am. That relationships will continue to grow and friends won't drift apart. Please pray for safe trips and awesome journeys, and that God will make his plans clear to those who seek him. Amen
God Bless, love ya all soooooooo much
Have a great evening/Day/afternoon!

Ugly Me

2006-08-20T19:24:00.000-07:00

The other night Carm and I were talking about how much a person's insecurities and attitudes were passed down to their children through the way they act. That the biggest problem for parents was watching their kids struggle with the same things they struggled with. One of my biggest things growing up has been my self-image. No matter how nice I look I always find something to complain about....my zits are showing...my stomach sticks out....my butt's too big. This is not what I want for my kids. I came across this article the day before we started talking, and later thinking about that conversation, it just clicked with me that this was something I wanted to share. So it's mostly for the girls, but guys can check it out if they want to. Enjoy, God Bless and have a great day!
Who knows when I first started hating the way I look? It could have been in fourth grade, when I went to camp with my beautiful cousin who got more attention than slightly chubby me. It could have been in sixth grade, when I was suddenly taller than nearly everyone else in my class. It could have been in eighth grade, when I realized that my friends were starting to date and I wasn't. All I know is that from junior high all the way through high school, I can't remember ever looking in the mirror and being happy with what I saw.
I'm sure it didn't help to have an older brother who apparently felt it was his job to tease me. He started calling me "chubs" when I was in seventh grade and kept it up till he graduated from high school a few years later.
But he was just part of the problem. I couldn't help but compare myself to other girls at my schoolgirls who were thinner, prettier, smarter. Nothing about me seemed quite right. I had curly hair; everyone else had straight hair. I played tennis and the cello; the "popular" girls played basketball and the clarinet. And while I knew I was a good friend, a decent student and fun person to be around, those things just weren't enough to boost my sagging self-esteem.
What really clinched my whole self-image problem was guys. I couldn't figure out why, of all my great guy friends, not one of them wanted to date me. For example, one of my best friends in high school was a guy named Eric, and I had a major crush on him. Eric and I spent tons of time together. I knew he really cared about me and valued my friendship. But despite my obvious interest in him, he never wanted to date me. He'd tell me about his girl problems. He'd wonder out loud why other girls weren't as easy to talk to as I was. And as we became closer friends with no hope of romance in sight, I'd wonder, What's wrong with me?
I couldn't help but compare myself to other girls at my schoolgirls who were thinner, prettier, smarter.
That was itmy prevailing thought through junior high, high school and on into college: What's wrong with me? It didn't stop with Eric. All the way through my teenage years, I had great guy friends who didn't want to date me. I was smart and funny and could attract all the friends I could ever want. But that somehow wasn't enough. I didn't get dates, and I wasn't in the top echelons of popularity, all because I didn't look quite right. To me, that seemed to be the only answer.
While I felt horrible on the inside, I tried to act like it didn't bother me to be the "dateless wonder." I filled my life with other things, things I was good at, like theater and choir and the pompon team. And while those things helped me feel better about myself, they weren't enough, either. In fact, in some ways, they contributed to my feelings that I was fat and ugly. While I usually ended up with leading roles in school plays, I was never the leading ladythe pretty girl who ends up with the guy. Instead, I played the character roles that got lots of laughs.
And the pompon team was no better. My senior year, I served as co-captain. And because I was the co-captain, my mom had to help out with organizing some of our fundraising events. After one meeting with a few of the other moms, my mother came home furious. "What's wrong?" I asked her.
"Well, a few of the other women were talking about setting a weight limit for you girls."
"Are you kidding me?" I said. It didn't take a genius to know that those moms felt like a few of us on the team were a little on the heavy side. And I knew that meant me. "So what do they want to do?" I asked.
"They're not going to do anything," Mom said firmly. "I told them that if they think they can force my perfectly healthy daughter into some kind of mold their skinny little daughters happen to fit into, they're going to have to take it up with me."
Go Mom!
And even though my mom stood up for me, even though no weight limit was ever set for the team, I couldn't help but feel the eyes of those other mothers watching me every time we performed. I knew they thought I was fat.
So I hated myself. I hid my feelings behind an outgoing personality and a sense of humor. No one knew how I felt, and I was determined that no one ever would.
But the spring of my senior year, something happened that changed all that self-loathing. One night, when I was in one of my usual "I hate me" funks, I rode my bike around town for an hour or so hoping the night air would cheer me up a little. I ended up at the playground of my elementary school. I got off my bike and sat on a swing.
It was a clear spring night with no clouds, a full moon and a sky bursting with stars. As I sat on the swing, I looked up at the spectacular sky and thought about how amazing God's creation is. And it hit me. Yes, the sky is beautiful. Yes, the trees are beautiful and the mountains and the oceans and all of God's earth. But in God's eyes, I am more precious, more valuable, more beautiful than any of it.
For the first time in years, I thought about myself from God's perspective. In my mind, I imagined God in his little workshop crafting me by handchoosing just the right shade of brown for my eyes, the right shape for my hands, the perfect amount of curl for my hair. And then I imagined him watching me day after day as I looked in the mirror and criticized how he had made me.
God had put me together with love and pride. He had put me on earth and added stars and sunsets and hummingbirds and tree frogs and other beautiful things for me to look at. He'd given me great parents, wonderful friends, all kinds of talents and abilities. His love for me was more enormous than I could possibly grasp. And in spite of all that, I had the nerve to think he'd messed up.
I ran to my bike, rushed home and scrambled up to my room. I flipped to the Psalms for a chapter I remembered that spoke of the glory of nature. There it was, Psalm 104, a psalm celebrating God's incredible creation. As I read it, I kept thinking, Look at how amazing creation is. Look at how much care God took in making this world, and he's sharing it with you, Carla.
As I fell asleep that night, I felt something I hadn't felt in a very long time. I felt peace and contentment with myself. I knew that I was one of God's most amazing creations and that to doubt it, even for a second, was an insult to God.
I still struggle with my self-image. I still don't look like a model, and I know I never will. I don't always weigh what I think I should, and I always hate wearing a bathing suit. But you know what? That's just surface stuff. The truth is, God made me, and I'm fine just the way I am.
8 Ways to Feel Good About Yourself
1. Picture it. Flip to your favorite memories in an old photo album. As you reminisce about fun times in your life and the people you really care about, you'll see how many truly fabulous gifts God's given you.
2. Focus on the positive. Focus on the positive. If you're in the habit of keeping nice notes, cards and letters from others, dig em out. Or you can just listen extra-hard for encouraging words. Sometimes other people are better at identifying your great God-given traits than you are.
3. Make a change. Identify the behaviors and situations that undermine your self-confidence, then try your hardest to change them. Stop hanging out with people who make you feel crummy. Instead of criticizing your reflection in the mirror, give yourself a compliment. Smile more.
4. Come clean. Unresolved issues with other people or with God can weigh you down and trick you into thinking no one would love you if they knew the truth. Confession is tough, but it's a cinch compared to living with guilt. Plus, confession leads to forgivenessusually from other people and always from God.
5. Challenge yourself. Read a classic novel. Start an exercise plan. Try a new sport, or pick up a musical instrument. Memorize a book of the Bible. In the process of collecting new experiences and finding a sense of accomplishment, you just might discover a talent you never knew you had.
6. Excel where it counts. You'll probably never be the most athletic, attractive, intelligent, popular person you know. But you can make it your goal to be something even better. You could strive to be the most caring, the best listener, the most patient or the kindest. These things won't win you trophies, but they'll lead to the best kind of success: becoming more like Jesus.
7. Lend a hand. Try to focus on the lives of others instead of just your own. Volunteerwhether that means helping a neighbor or caring for abandoned animalsand you'll be amazed at the results. Making a difference in others' lives has a boomerang way of making a huge difference in your own.
8. Remember who loves you. The ultimate reason to feel good about yourself has to do with the ultimate being: God. He's starry-eyed, open-arms, head-over-heels in love with you. Read 1 John and think of it as God's love letter to you. Here's a little sneak preview (1 John 3:1). "How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!"

Humbled

2006-08-08T11:13:00.000-07:00

Well, hi there, I'm back for good at home from camp and finding myself in a little shame pit. I don't know if it's satan that's making me feel this way or if it's justifiable. But I seem to be focusing too much on the people there instead of what I learned from God. Like, really I was soooo glad for Laura's company on the way home last night otherwise I would have been crying. Just because one the guys there refused to give an actual goodbye. It was kind of a wave and not even a glance. That really hurt, and I was hoping on the way home from dropping Laura off, "maybe he'll call" because he's supposed to if they're going to Calgary this week. But gosh! I feel soo bad, I did learn a lot this week. I learned about how insignificant I am, I learned how much I absolutely LOVE working with kids. I love kids and thank God that I was in a cabin too! One of my camper's had this attitude about her that made me really want to smack her upside the head. In honestly didn't know what to do because everything I tried just got a "pre-teenage" roll of the eyes and snippy voice. But then two of my girls made a commitment the last night!!! I was sooooo blown away. I'm worried about those girls. They do not come from "Christian" homes per se. One is Catholic and one is from the United Church. So I wonder just how much support they'll get. I pray they'll not be plants with shallow roots, but that they landed in good soil. But then that's what's frustrating about camp, you are only a part of God's hands and then have to have faith that God know's what he's doing. And I do have faith, but sometimes it's hard when you make such a connection with these kids and then they leave. Caitlyn, she was one of the last girls to leave and I really didn't want to see her go. She's a girl that's going to give me early grey hair. Oh gosh, It's in God's hands and I'm sooooo scared. Is being scared showing a lack of faith? I thank God that this week I learned early on to not put personal stuff ahead of my kids. To focus on what my kids need and then on building relationships with other staff. If I had not learned that, then my kids would have had an awful week. But I'm pretty sure that they didn't. I had an LTD this week which was pretty much awesome. Andrea, oh my gosh, it was so much fun to hang around her. Plus, one day I really hurt my foot down on the beach and she took the girls to cabin time and everything so I could just kinda hang out and let the drugs kick into my system. Fell asleep on the floor of the cabin with the door open and then my girls came and gave me a brownie that they had baked. Which was sooooo nice. I was on crutches for part of the day because my foot was killing me and it's still sore. I might have to go and get it checked out again Dr. Hanton said I might need to see a specialist in Edmonton or Calgary. It's sooo frustrating!!! GRRRRRRRRR!!!! And I just realized that I left my keys for the pool at home! Oh joys, God please grant me happiness today as I work on my attitude. Please grant patience to expectations, hurts to be mended and pain to cease. Please do not let joy and peace fade with memories. Please allow a sense of openness to change in situations and contentment with what the situation is right now as opposed to wishing it back to camp. God, I need your help here, please! Please protect my girls with an army of angels from oppression and allow their happiness to stick through all year! In Jesus Name, Amen God Bless you guys throughout this week and the rest of the summer/year! p.s. Carm and Barry set a date for June 2,2007!!

My sister is engaged!!!!

2006-07-29T14:19:00.000-07:00

WOOOOOHOOOO, finally, they actually did it instead of all this waiting around and doing nothing stuff. Oh my gosh she's got a pretty rock and everything! I was at camp this week and never even got a call! I heard it from my mom when I called home. Gosh Carm! Gosh is my knew favourite word by the way. It's pretty awesome. Anyways on to more news. I spent the last week at Gull Lake Baptist Camp, working with gr 5 and 6 kids. It was really fun. I was an adopt-a-cabin for cabin 8 with David and James. Those kids in that cabin were so funny and crazy. And awwww...I miss them a lot. I was lifeguarding this week and so that was a lot of fun. It gave me an opportunity to see the kids and kinda get the hang of how the camp is run before I jumped head first into cabin leading. I spent the week in the LTD cabin with a bunch of level 3 LTD girls so that was a blast. I had a lot of late nights with them. But yea, I'm going to try to make it to morning prayer this coming week, maybe then I won't be feeling so drained. I'm making some good friends to, everybody is friendly and loves to just joke around. It's also a good time to be by yourself and seek God, simply because you can disappear and be alone if you want to or be with friends if you want to. I love it! Tom is here too and probably cabin leading this week also so that will be interesting to see! He says he just might kill them all....poor Thomas. Rory though is going to drive me crazy I swear he is! Gosh what a bloody loveable butthead he is! For example, he got my number then went to Mitch and is like "I got her number" and they laughed and said "that's five girls this summer" Does that make me and all the other girls just bloody statistics or what? Anyways after camp I drove out to Kounty Aire campground b/c my family was quadding down there. I missed the whole quadding trip but got there in time to go to Pirates of the Caribbean:Dead man's chest. Awesome movie, although the ending is a little weird. Anyways I almost didn't make it to the movie b/c I headed about half an hour in the wrong direction first and had to turn around and burn it to the camp ground. Made the half hour trip in about 15 by the way!! lol Headed back home at about 9:30 this morning, got home at about two b/c I drove for almost an hour on highway 11 instead of highway 12. So that was a lot of fun and wasted time and gas. Not going to say how stupid I felt right then. anyways, got home and am trying to get all my laundry done so I can pack it and get ready to go for tomorrow again. Gosh! so stressful, is my life, well no not really. Anyways I should go and get some stuff done, like have a shower and shave my legs, which are so hairy it's gross. I know everybody wanted to hear that, anyways. I'm gonna go. Please pray for me during the coming week that I will be able to focus on God and what he has in store for me. Please pray that I can impact kids in a positive way and show kids just how loved they are.

July is coming and going

2006-07-08T10:07:00.000-07:00

Well, why does it always seem that I post while I'm at work? Must be because work is usually slow. Today wasn't slow though, kinda fast, but I'm almost done my shift and they have high speed here which is awesome compared to our dial up modem at home. Anyways, my finals went well in June, except for my Spanish 30, which I had to rewrite after getting 31% on my first one. So that was a lot of fun. The pool has been interesting this season so far. Our new schedule just got redone after Pam(our manager) realized that there weren't enough kids to have the three guards scheduled for the two week lesson session. So now I've been cut about three hours a day for two weeks. Not too thrilled about that, but nobody seems to want lessons this year. Craziness, oh well. Almost all my kids in this session past so that's an added bonus! We had a fecal contamination Wednesday afternoon so all Thursday the pool was closed. YAY! I said no working all Thursday, I can relax and sleep in. my dad said "hahahahahahahaha!!! We're casterating calves thursday!" GRRRRRRRRR, twenty four hours later, I have a total of 8 bruises on my lower body and had the experience of learning what it was like to be kicked by both back feet of a 170lbs bull in the stomach. huraahh huraahhh! Soooo much fun I could hardly contain my joy. That's alright though, my cousin David, his wife Debbie and they're 18 month baby came to visit and helped to calves on Friday. So that was cool, I hadn't seen them for almost a year, so that was cool. David's older brother Cam, his wife Nikki and their four kids decided to surprise us and come down to help with calves as well, (Cam and Dave's parents have been down all week) that was awesome, their fourth kid is just six months old. She's sooooo adorable! awwww, I wanted to keep her, Cam and Nikki might have let me but their three other kids just love Rachel, so they wouldn't let me. *tear tear*
Anyways, I have ten minutes left in my shift, and am going to take off now. So yea, hope everybody is having an awesome summer! drop me a line on my hotmail! God Bless

First June Post

2006-06-08T19:50:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone!! Here it is, the first post of june 2006. Just to add a little bit more description about grad. I sang a song as part of the ceremonies, and it turned out pretty good, nobody even seemed to notice that I screwed up (ooppss!!). Brandy's farewell speech was sooo sweet, she was tearing up so much by the end of it. Maybe I was just so nervous b/c my song was right after her speech but I didn't even cry. The day as a whole, was soooo rushed. Hair appointment from 11:00 to 12:30, go home for lunch. Go back into town to get hair fixed (it was falling out!) and go visit people at work and school. 2:15, pictures with Val. 2:30-go for Coffee with Sam and Carm. 3:30-go visit the lodge and long term care. 4:00 Champaign party/group picture-I didn't stay that long b/c I had to go practice for my song. 6:00 Banquet starts. 7:30- go to the school and wait for ceremonies to start. 8:oo have about 10 nervous pee's and then walk up. There was about 400 ppl there, which might not seem like a lot, but we have the ceremony in the school gym! It was VERY crowded. By 9:30 we were back in the Library to wait for the gym to be prepared for grand march. Then was grand march and parent-grad/escort-grad dance. Carm felt sorry for me and got up to dance w' me for a little bit! ;) We had a sort of grad party @ my place b/c everybody went home about 2:00, but we had to be up by 7 anyways to take off for Edmonton. We went to the Wateropark! in the mall and spent some time shopping b/f going to watch X-men 3. Which is really good! I'll reccomend it to anyone! Anyways we got back home at about 2:00 again that morning.
So after grad, things have been going well. I just wrote my Spanish 30 final today.....so hopefully I passed. It'll be a wait and see thing. My English part 1 final is next wednesday!! AHHHH!! then the last day of classes is a week after that and then only two more tests to go! Oh my goodness I can't wait! Not that there's a lot planned in the summer anyways. I think I'm taking a week off to go lifeguard at camp at the end of July, but other than that, it's work and spend no money so I can afford school in the fall! lol, that's a good thing about having sisters that have already gone through the same school you're going to. They still have some of their first year textbooks that I can probably just borrow off of them instead of even buying them. Anyways, since I don't know how to post grad pics on this site, they will be on Ringo shortly and in e-mails. God Bless y'all!!

Relaxing....and content

2006-05-28T13:57:00.000-07:00

Well, the weekend after grad.......it's sad to think that all the planning all the nervousness and happiness and anticipation gone in less than five hours. I have a feeling of sadness right now, knowing that this part of my life is about to end and another begininning. The security of high school soon to be ripped from my hands and I'm to be thrust out into a new kind of experience. Yes, I'm not being totally displaced, but the idea that something that I thought would never end, is actually ending is scary. True, the college I'm going to has been my second home these last couple years, but never as a student with all the things that come with it. It was interesting on Prom day, how much God blessed me. Little prayers that were tossed up to help just get through the day..."God please help me to have fun"....."God please help me not to be tempted", they were answered wtihin minutes. Even when I felt left out b/c I had no escort, it's like God was saying "good job Kelly, look, I will send someone to comfort you" and my sister decided to come and "dance" with me, even though it was silly. It's weird this whole weekend has been a testament to God's closeness and security. Hmmmm, I......forgot my thought...oh well. Pictures are soon to follow, once I get them developed!!

Depressed

2006-05-23T20:17:00.000-07:00

Well hello! It's two days away from Prom and you'd think that I'd be bursting with excitement right? Wrong, I'm sooooo stressed out right now, in between helping to run the house with mom in a wheel chair, and getting everything ready, I'm always grouchy and always tired. To top it all off today, I found out my best friend who was coming to grad and Edmonton on Saturday, couldn't get the weekend off. Her boss tried REALLY hard to find somebody to take her shift, but in the end it didn't work out. So right now, I'm really really depressed and frustrated. I'm sorry this is short, but could you guys pray for me? So that I'm not so depressed and out of joint on Prom day, so that it will be fun and full of surprises and good times? I love you all, and promise to send pics! God Bless

Thinking

2006-05-10T19:47:00.000-07:00

I read Faye's last blog about Joy and it also got me thinking about it. In Sunday school this week we touched on the passage in James 1, which says "count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience, but let patience have it's perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete lacking nothing." I find it interesting that he says to have joy and then goes right in to having patience, like they work together to produce it. My teacher, Lyn, also made the point that patience produces wisdom, and wisdom in what ever happens, will bring joy. Not jumping up and down, like "YAYAYAY I'm having trials!" But the quiet knowledge that after the trials comes joy beyond imagining. Not giving over to despair when trials come, but taking them with quiet acceptance that the Lord is letting them happen. It struck me when listening to a presentation about Job, when he cried out to God asking why, why did all his troubles happen? Why were his children, servants and livelihood taken away from him? Why was he covered in sores and his friends and wife constantly pressing him to confess his sin? And God simply answered those questions with questions. Job 38:4-9 "Where were you when I layed the foundation of the earth? Tell me if you have understanding. Who determined it's measurements? surely you know! Or who stretched the line upon it? To what were it's foundations fastened? or layed it's cornerstone, when the morning stars sang together and all the sons of God shouted for joy? Or who shut in the sea with doors when it burst forth and issued from the whom." That is how we're supposed to be in trials, joyful with the understanding that we might not know why we're suffering, but are we supposed to? Maybe if we'd done just one of the things that God has done, or were there when he made the heavens. But what gives us the right to actually question what God has in store? Yes, we do, and God welcomes our questions because it draws us closer to him, as it did Job. But when people are suffering little things, maybe we should look at the big picture, and realize that although we sometimes equate our tiny suffering with what Job suffered, we fail to remember those that are suffering much more for what we have taken for granted. The right to have our faith freely expressed, and although I know that this has been done to death, it shames me, even to think about what I considered extremely harsh suffering, is nothing to what other girls, my age are willfully suffering for in sooo many other places. I wonder what would happen if I was put through, what Job was put through. Would I curse God and die, or would I refuse to scream and curse at God, and put up with the constant hammering of my "friends" to confess my sin? I don't know.
On that note, I will say, I started talking about Joy and ended up on a completely different topic, so sorry if anyone got completely confused, but anyways. I've got to get to work. God Bless, and Love ya'll!!

Memories

2006-04-28T06:33:00.000-07:00

Good morning! I am writing VERY early in the morning and wish I could still be sleeping but SOMEBODY (cough sam! cough) had to call and wake me up! Goodness! Oh well I'll live. Anyways, mom broke her leg this week in three places. She was trying to let a crazy cow out and then it knocked down some pannels and mom turned to get out of the way but her whole leg decided not to turn with her. So she broke her leg just below the knee. Ouch. She had surgery on Wednesday to get some pins and a plate put in it. I haven't seen her, just talked to her on the phone.
This week is festival, and whooooo boy am I glad it's almost done. Although it was fun. The adjudicator that judged three of my 5 songs and the choir stuff was Winston Noren. Oh my goodness, he has an amazing voice! It's soo cool, and funny too. Corey Tanton (?) I think that's her last name judged my contemporary Gospel song, and gave me a higher mark than Mr. Noren, but that's ok. I didn't even get an 'H' for any of my songs. I know that I'm better than what I performed most of the time b/c I was so nervous. I didn't even look at Mr. Noren after the first day b/c he made me sooooooo nervous! I didn't look at Corey either b/c they just stare at you and it's sooooo unnerving. But yea, a couple girls in my choir got reccommended to Provincials this year. Our Choir got 3 'H' s so that was cool. We're singing in the Grand Concert on Sunday.
On this day five months ago I had my car accident. IT was sooooooo scary. The scars are slowly but surely turning white, and there is still some glass in my hand. I don't want to get it taken out thought b/c then it'll wreck my fav scar. It's weird to have a favourite, but when you have as many as I do on your hand, you'll understand.
Carm came home last weekend and I really love having her home. It's sooooo nice especially since her and Barry are tentatively planning on gettting married next summer. But nothing's official yet. Anyways, I'd better go.
Have a good day, God Bless and wish me luck today! (Last of our songs are today, and then the Grand concert!)

Grad 06-In Christ Alone

2006-04-23T14:27:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went to Prairie again for the graduation ceremony and to hang out with some friends. This was the first time I had seen most of them since the end of November, just before my accident. Oh my goodness! What a time! I had such a blast, just seeing people again and catching up as best I could. I have never been so sad to leave though. I was so determined not to cry, but just ended up crying half way through church today anyways. I can't believe how much has happened in the eight months since I was there at Summit. The most rewarding part was seeing Bob graduate, after being there for seven years!! It was awesome to see him get that little piece of paper saying he was done. Oh my goodness, and what a response he got when his name got called. That was the most awesomest thing I've ever seen. Although he will be missed around there, it's great to see him go and so happy. I also got to see Chris, Seth and Nathan there, meet Seth's wife, they've only been married, well I guess almost a year now. But I haven't seen him since Sam graduated. Ben and Christy were at Keith and Jamie's after so that was cool to see him too since I haven't seen him since he came to our house a couple years ago. Chris I didn't see since last summer I guess. But it was sooo much fun. For a moment I thought that Ben was Tobin, but he wasn't so that was confusing. Anyways, I also learned something last night when doing my devotions. I've been to anxious to get married and have a family, that I haven't been focusing on God and my other relationships. I had it planned out too! Get married at 21, have kids and then do something. But I don't think that's quite what God wants. I don't know, sooo confusing. Maybe I'll just focus on getting done highschool eh? Anyways, here's a couple verses to leave you with.
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
Phillipians 4:6-7

God Bless ya throughout the coming week!

This day in the History of Kelly!!

2006-04-15T08:11:00.000-07:00

Goodmorning! I'm sitting here at work and preparing for the patients to come in and decided to write a little blog! Recently reading Margaret and Tyler's blog I noticed she had a blog that said what were you doing this day last year. Well, this day last year I was getting baptised at the church I go to. I remember thinking when I was under, 'I hope he brings me back up!' how silly eh? But yea, I really should get back to work now. Have an awesome spring day!

I hate my mouse!

2006-04-01T15:16:00.000-08:00

Goodmorning! well, ok it isn't morning, but somewhere in the world it is! I must explain the title of this blog. The mouse for my computer has off days when it decides not to work and then I get really annoyed and get off the computer right away. Sorry to anyone who I haven't actually written back in a long time, that's why. I just don't have the patience! But I will get back to you! So anyways, I started a new job this week, working at the office in the hospital in town every other weekend for a couple hours. Which is nice b/c then I get some money and will actually be able to pay for prom gifts! Yay for me! I'm really dreading going to choir on Monday b/c I haven't practiced any of my songs this week, for lack of having a voice! and my director is going to kill me! She's going into PMS mode right now with festival only a couple weeks away. I haven't even memorised any of my songs (ooppss!) So yea, pretty much I'm going to die.

In other news I've been doing a lot of thinking about where my priorities have been these last few weeks, and I didn't really like the outcome. My thoughts have been pretty much focused on school and boys. God has been the thing to think about while doing devotions and once in a while at school. It's not a pretty picture, and while my age may have something to do with thinking about boys, that still doesn't excuse it. Blah! Such a problem. It hit me last night at youth group, that if I want to be a missionary or even participate in a short term mission as I'm planning to the year after next, then maybe I should get prioritizing. But it's hard, b/c even as I sat down to right this, there was a little voice in my head that said "ok, now right the 'deep God talk' and be done with it." My heart is being pulled in a million different directions, which is sooooo frustrating. Anyways, I should get some work done, this has been my release for the day, could you guys pray for me? please? That I get my mind back on God, not pushing him to the side until I think I need him? Thanks! Love ya!

Wanna be inside your heaven

2006-03-21T19:25:00.000-08:00

Lonely

2006-03-17T18:32:00.000-08:00

Well here I am in Three Hills and completely bored, b/c all my friends are gone! but it was so weird......b/c just as I started to cry b/c Jana and Jackie ran off somewhere and Carm is sooooooooo busy setting up for Junior/Senior banquet. Amy started talking to me on MSN! I can't tell you what a blessing that was to be reminded that even though people are hundreds of miles away, they still care enough to talk and find out how ppl are. I love my friends dearly, and can't tell you how much they've blessed me. I hope they can say the same......It's interesting how much comfort God can give you through people. It's something that I've been learning for a while now, that God's been teaching me. Not only to depend on people but on him also for comfort. Like when I had my accident in November, as soon as the nurses got me cleaned up and I had a shower, I wanted a bible. I wanted to just sit and talk to God and thank him soooooo much for my life. And Psalm 77 gave me the most comfort that night, it just struck a chord. And it's interesting that it wasn't even close to my favourite Psalm, I don't think I'd ever really read it before, and yet there were those words of comfort that helped me through that night.

Psalm 77 (New King James Version)
New King James Version (NKJV)
Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc.
Psalm 77
To the Chief Musician. To Jeduthun. A Psalm of Asaph. 1 I cried out to God with my voice— To God with my voice; And He gave ear to me. 2 In the day of my trouble I sought the Lord; My hand was stretched out in the night without ceasing; My soul refused to be comforted. 3 I remembered God, and was troubled; I complained, and my spirit was overwhelmed. Selah 4 You hold my eyelids open; I am so troubled that I cannot speak. 5 I have considered the days of old, The years of ancient times. 6 I call to remembrance my song in the night; I meditate within my heart, And my spirit makes diligent search. 7 Will the Lord cast off forever? And will He be favorable no more? 8 Has His mercy ceased forever? Has His promise failed forevermore? 9 Has God forgotten to be gracious? Has He in anger shut up His tender mercies? Selah 10 And I said, “This is my anguish; But I will remember the years of the right hand of the Most High.” 11 I will remember the works of the LORD; Surely I will remember Your wonders of old. 12 I will also meditate on all Your work, And talk of Your deeds. 13 Your way, O God, is in the sanctuary; Who is so great a God as our God? 14 You are the God who does wonders; You have declared Your strength among the peoples. 15 You have with Your arm redeemed Your people, The sons of Jacob and Joseph. Selah 16 The waters saw You, O God; The waters saw You, they were afraid; The depths also trembled. 17 The clouds poured out water; The skies sent out a sound; Your arrows also flashed about. 18 The voice of Your thunder was in the whirlwind; The lightnings lit up the world; The earth trembled and shook. 19 Your way was in the sea, Your path in the great waters, And Your footsteps were not known. 20 You led Your people like a flock By the hand of Moses and Aaron.

I love that Psalm now, and it's still comforting.....anyways I'd better go and find something useful to do. Love you all, here's a quote I just found that is awesome!
God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains; it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.C S LEWIS

Craziness

2006-03-16T15:10:00.000-08:00

Back from another long day at school. And another day gone before prom, which is on May 26!! I have my dress, I have hair and make-up appointments booked, looking at shoes, I'm tanning and getting pretty dark. It's all good! Well, not so much. My bio teacher just got checked into the hospital last night for something serious, although they don't know what it is exactly. He is being moved to the Castor hospital tomorrow, he's in Stettler today. So yea, pretty much just had one class today, which was English. We're studying Greek mythology and are going to be reading 'Prometheus Bound' in a couple days, so that will be cool.
I'm going to Three Hills this weekend to recertify my NLS and WSI which will be fun.....did I say that on the last post? I'll have to check. But I'm staying w' Carm so that'll be a good time b/c I haven't seen her for a couple weeks! AAHHH, I haven't seen Sam for over a month now, and she's taking the course as well so at least I'll get to visit a little bit.
I've been doing a lot of thinking about my college next year. I think that a year off after the first year will be good, b/c right now I'm really getting sick of school. But I do have to take at least one year in Bible School before doing something else, that's my parents one rule about post-secondary education. I love three hills though, and can't wait to go. Anyways, though I should go(hey that rhymes!) and get some work done. Chow!

First time!

2006-03-15T16:07:00.000-08:00

Well hello there! This is my first time trying to put a blog on the net for everyone to read, so bear with me. I've just got home from school today, which was not a bad day. We discussed the female reproductive system in Bio 30 today and dealt primarily with the menstruation cycle. It was quite interesting, and definately less uncomfortable than when we were doing the male system on Monday. Especially when Bob was making little comments that are....less than attractive. Monday was also the day when I went to choir and voice lessons, and Rhonda and I discussed the up coming festival. My musical theatre piece is about a woman who marry's men but when she 'falls out of' love with them, offs them instead of divorcing them. It's quite funny too, although Jeff thinks it's disturbing. Hey, Rhonda and I had a laugh deciding on choreography.
We just finished trying to push Barry's car out of the snow drift he decided to drive into last night. His parking spot was blown over with snow and he still thought he could pull in with a little '96 sunfire. Yea, that's what I thought. He's stuck really good and we have to wait until dad gets home from hauling wheat to pull it out. Oh well, that's the way it goes. Jeff wants the computer and I've been on here for a while, so maybe I should let him eh? Talk to ya l8er!